Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
