I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
