Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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