Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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