And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
