Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
