I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
