i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
