my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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