oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
