I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
