It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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