I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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