I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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