btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
