Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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