i just had sex bonerless
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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