Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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