Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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