We got so high we made milksteak
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
