It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
