i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Im part way to drunk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
