I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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