I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
