You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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