Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
