she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
