Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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