i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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