my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
