If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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