I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
