I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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