I cannot find my penis.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
