Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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