Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
