...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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