the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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