are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
