Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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