There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
