I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
