it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
