I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I fill condoms, not promises.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
