Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I did not marry a roomba.
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