Will you blow on my dice?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
