sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
