I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize