i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
