FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
