Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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