he wants to bone in the snuggie
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
