I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
