I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
