I need help removing her.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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