do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
