shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
