piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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