im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
