She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
