Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
