the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I know her cup size but not her name....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
