Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
