Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
