Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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