Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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