I hope mine doesn't look like that
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
