I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
